It’s been a while. I got so caught up in my studies. Everything seems different now, feels like I’m trapped in my own little world. Some faces become random strangers; only traces of familiarity can be felt in their eyes. It may seem that I have forgotten, the memories left no longer feel so painful. Is this what they call moving on? It’s almost a year since we first broke up, time flies fast.
The once familiar smile that made things alright… the once familiar hug that made you feel safe… the once familiar kiss that promised forever… these are just some of the things that I remember but no longer feel bad about. Maybe someday our paths will cross again and by that time I might not be able to smile, or in that rare case I might even be able to say hello with just a big push of courage. But I’m glad I’m okay and I am contented with being strangers again. It might not have been the ending I wanted for our story but at least I’ve realized that if I spent my forever with you, it would be an infinite of loneliness and pain. Everyone has loved and has lost, and I’d like to believe in the idea that I wasn’t the only one on the losing end.
Strangers again, yeah strange in a way… that’s how our story is supposed to end. Maybe this is the choice we’ve both come up with, unconsciously or even deliberately. The universe is in constant collision, maybe yours collided with mine, and it wasn’t the reaction we were looking for, but we were just thirsty for affection or maybe we get tired of circling around with no one to relate to…or maybe I prayed too hard, and you were there and I thought you were the answer. I shared your universe but in the end that universe was too much, the sun burned brightly and intensely and I burned, my stars died and everything faded away. I can only know you through my memories and they aren’t trustworthy at all because one by one they become less and less clear. Everything becomes fragments of the past, a faded picture shut inside a tightly kept box, and as time goes by, that picture will no longer show anything, and maybe I’ll begin to doubt if it ever happened.
I can happily say I tried until the end; I did what I needed to do just because it was you. The entire time my brain demanded to stop trying, to let it just go. Why should I? Because for the first time since we first broke up, I felt closeness to completeness, but it can’t be compared to what I felt before. I’m not sure why you asked for another chance, maybe you were lonely or maybe you liked the idea of knowing you have someone whose world used to completely revolve around you. Now, I’m finally listening to you, and you were right. Why settle for the ordinary when someone out there will make me feel special. I don’t want a whirlwind romance… I can settle for a simple beginning, but a story with no ending. We ended up in different places, and maybe or hopefully with different people. Finally, we are strangers again. That’s just what I’ve been longing. I guess God has made it easier for me to heal by doing this. Strangers again… to me this is the final step to letting go and moving on.