6 things I learned on my break up.

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1. Change is a bitter pill to swallow.

Some things are just not meant to be, the faster you accept it, the faster you’ll be able to move on.

My friends would say don’t push something when you know that it is impossible to happen. Accept to learn that there are things you can’t change, and change the things you cannot accept.

In my case I accepted that I can’t change the fact that things are not the same way they used to be, he loved me, but he loved someone else too… maybe even more than how much he loved me.  Since I can’t change this fact, I changed myself and the situation. I broke off all ties with him. I thought that if I don’t do something to change our relationship, then I would be prolonging the hurt. It was a bitter pill to swallow but I knew it would make me feel better in the end. I deserved better, and I will treat myself better, so I will end the things that will make me feel less. You can’t change him, you can’t make him love you again the same way he used to, the situation is different now.

2. Decide for yourself. You are your own person.

I guess it’s better to indicate this as 1.5 since it is related to the first item. When you’re at the brink of break-up, you would think whether you would break it off or hold on. This is your decision and it is the hardest thing to do. Don’t let anyone else decide for you, unless you want to regret it or put the blame to someone else. Remember it is easier to blame yourself for your decisions. Some people don’t realize this.  Only strong people do, and they are the happiest. Don’t be afraid to make that decision. Fear does not shut you down it wakes you up.

One day you’ll wake up that you are loving the wrong person . Would you allow the chance to be loved unconditionally, to be loved the same way you love, by loving the wrong person?  Set him free not because you wish that he will come back… set yourself free, and get yourself back.

A new phase, a stronger you… you can be remade, you can live your life the way you want it to be. What you have left is yourself. Make a decision that you can live with. I can no longer laugh at my friends who stick with their asshole boyfriends cause I felt firsthand the hell of trying to forget someone, the craving, the drawback, but I felt proud of myself because I may have chosen a difficult path but I know in myself that the strength I will obtain from this experience will make me more beautiful inside – well outside as well I guess.:) It’s the path towards self improvement. Only you can decide what your future will be, don’t let anyone else decide for you. A third person’s point of view is an advise not a command. Leave no regrets and choose the path you want, not what others tell you to.

In deciding whether to break up or make up, sometimes you have to put yourself first. If you cannot distinguish where you end and where he starts, then there’s something wrong. Love is given, not yourself.   Well I guess there is a saying you give yourself wholly to the person you love, but remember to protect your heart with your head. Just as you have placed so much effort to protect the heart of the person you love, be vigilant about your own. I’m not saying that you hold yourself back in loving someone, what matters is you keep something to yourself, most especially self-respect.

It’s okay to fall apart, but be strong to pick yourself up. Don’t wait for someone to pick up the pieces.  Give yourself a pat on the back for trying your hardest and doing a good job of it. Well maybe not enough to make that person stay or choose you but that ain’t your fault you know. Don’t let anyone think you are less, but always think you deserve more.

3. Don’t ever expect that you can change them or fix them or make them happy.

People hold on because they think that there’s still a chance for change. Now I’m not saying there isn’t but do try to think long term. Don’t ever enter into a relationship where you think you can change someone. You will never be happy in that kind of relationship. I can’t say to never expect. It’s the hardest part of a relationship. We expect too much because we are willing to give that much. But remember, even if you are willing… the question is will they accept and reciprocate? Learn to compromise. A relationship is not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that keeps it alive.

It’s not your job to make them happy. Yes you can always try and do things that will make them laugh or smile. But happiness is a choice. If they are unhappy, don’t feel less of yourself. It’s not your fault they are unhappy. Your job is to love them and hold them when they are unhappy. At the same time, don’t hold them accountable for your unhappiness. NEVER EVER BLAME YOURSELF FOR THEIR UNHAPPINESS. If they blame you for their unhappiness, smack them hard on the face!!  Just kidding! People who choose sadness will soon suck the happiness and even life away from the people around them. Do you even want to be around those people.?You will age faster if you wallow yourself in self pity and insecurities that shouldn’t even be there in the first place.

4. Surround yourself with good people, laughter and realize the present

After a break up, be silly… laugh even at the smallest things. Who cares if they think you’re crazy! The next time you find love, be silly, be crazy and laugh with that person. Never forget that laughter is the best medicine.

Be present. I guess it’s hard to love with a clear head. If you are in a relationship and are still willing to work on it, give them your time. If not, and you are one of those healing a broken heart, don’t think the world will stop because of your heart ache. Sooner or later people will stop the pity party and will even get tired of your bitter stories. Be present and participate in whatever is happening in your life. There is still more that you are yet to experience.

If you are still trying to get back your self worth, it’s best to surround yourself with good people. When good people meet good things happen.:) You will soon realize that there are people you can learn from and you will have better perspective of yourself and a sense of fulfilment.

5. There’s no mature way in handling a break up

Laugh at the people who says that it’s okay to be friends with your ex. Nah! Just kidding! There’s no mature way to handle a break up. Blocking off everything about him is sensible. It is also hard to be friends with your ex.  Don’t force yourself to be a plastic. Most who broke up and became afterwards weren’t really friends for long. They soon drifted apart. But I guess it is better to forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. The sooner you forgive and forget the merrier you will be. So I’m at the stage that I’ve forgiven him, but he doesn’t have to know and I no intention of talking to him or letting him know because until now I feel the bitterness. I guess it all depends on the circumstances. You are a better judge of what your limitations and what you are capable of.

In time you will learn to laugh about it… you will learn to laugh about all your hardships.

6. Be as red as Taylor Swift

 Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure. Don’t let one rotten man or girl spoil love for you forever. It is always a great blessing to find love even if sometimes it is hell to be in love.

 Love rules no rules – Utopia T.M.

PS: Picture is not mine.:)

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One thought on “6 things I learned on my break up.

  1. Pingback: Five Minute Friday: Together | After the Ecstasy, the Laundry . . .

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